Blah...

Basically, that's how I feel. I don't know why but yesterday I kind of just felt non-motivated and really just blah. I'm not sure how else to describe it. It's like everything pushed me into a bad mood, which caused a fight between me and my boyfriend that got blown way out of proportion. Everything's fine now but that really didn't help lift my spirits. I've been doing good on my eating but I know I can do better. I wasn't able to work out yesterday and I think that kind of pushed me off balance as well. Having an interruption when you are just starting to get into the groove of things doesn't do any good. I know this is life and I know that these things have happened before and will continue to happen for the rest of my life. I'm going to weigh myself tonight, I finally found my scale but it's not working right. I weighed myself 3 times on it and I proceeded to "gain" weight each time. My mom has a scale and I'm going to try to use that for now until a get a new one. I have thought of a couple more goals that'll hopefully get my mind in the right place again. First, I would like to be at least 12-15 pounds lighter by my brother's confirmation in April into the Catholic Church. I have to dress up and it would feel amazing to feel good in whatever I wear. Second, I would like to be at least 25 pounds lighter by the time my family takes a trip to lake Michigan at the end of August. Hopefully I can go above and beyond with these goals. Toodles, have a wonderful day.

XoXo

Ready...

"Think Of Where You Would Be Now"

My brother would say that to me when I would tell him about starting a new diet or exercise routine. He would say, "You know if you sticked to the last diet you started, think of where you would be now." It's the truth. If I had stuck to my first diet/workout routine ever back in sophomore year of highschool, I wouldn't be fighting my weight right now but instead maintaining it. Things are different this time, I don't know why but they are and I can feel it. I'm not sure if it's because I'm writing on here nearly every day so it's keeping me accountable and I can see my progress instead of trying to remember it, or if it's because I'm ready. Im truley ready to be a different person. To change for the better. I realized that until you're ready to change, you never will. You may start out good but eventually you will go back to how you were. Not only do you have to be strong physically but also mentally. Ironically enough, the weight loss battle forces you to be stronger mentally than anything else. You may be able to run a 5k and do 200 crunches but until your mind coaxes you off the couch, it'll never happen. I know that I'm ready, I feel it. I've revised my exercise plan and I hope it's not too much starting out, but I think I can do it, I have faith in myself. I will be going to the gym 6 days a week. I will do 35 minutes of cardio (riding a stationary bike and maybe try a stair stepper eventually) Instead of doing all the weight machines every day, I will focus on one area of my body a day. I will alternate between 3 groups: Legs, Arms/Shoulders and Abs/Back. That way I will have 2 days a week focusing soley on one area. I figure I will do about an hours worth of work on each area for their day. I hope a can do it and maybe incorporate more than an hour eventually. My only hesitation was that maybe I should be doing a little bit of abs everday since you really don't need to rest your ab muscles. I think I might to a couple reps on the ab machine on the arms and legs days but do a full hour of abs on the abs day. Hmm I'll think about that one :-) Happy Tuesday!


Breakfast:
- Chicken (about the size of a deck of cards)
- Refried Beans (about the size of two 50cent pieces0
- 1 glass 1% milk

Lunch:
- Lean Cuisine Chicken w. Basil Cream Sauce: 290 calories
- Water

Snack:
- 1 hard boiled egg white
- 1 piece of cheese

Dinner:
- 1 small bowl of goulash (macaroni noodles with beef and spaghetti sauce)
- 1 piece of Italian bread
- 1 strawberry yoplait yogurt: 100 calories
- 1 glass 1% milk

Water:
- 3 liters!!

Exercise!:
- 30 minutes on a weird stationary bike thingy: 130 calories :-(
- leg machines (squats, inner/outer thighs, front and back of thighs)
- 3 sets of 15 reps on the ab machine

Back In Action

So me and my grandma went to the fitness center today and I love it. I joined a fitness center about 2 years ago and I would go almost every night, use the machines and ride the stationary bike for 45 minutes. This fitness center is much much smaller than the one I used to go to but it was never crowded. I'm not sure if no one really knows about it yet because it's so new or if everyone that wants to work out is already stuck to a contract at another fitness center, but hey it's fine with me. Me and my grandma went at 4 and we were there until about 5:30 and at most there were 7 people in there at once. They had every single machine that I wanted, a nice stationary bike and free weights. Basically it's a dream come true and I only have to pay $2 each time I go. It felt very familiar to be back in a gym and it actually felt really really good! I'm excited, what a jolly monday! :-)

XoXo

Breakfast:
- 1 taco salad
- 1 cup 1% milk

Lunch:
- Lean Cuisine Pesto Chicken Pita: 330 calories

Snack:
- 1 hard boiled egg white
- 1 piece cheese
- 1 handful grapes
- 1 glass water

Dinner:
- Chicken (about the size of a deck of cards)
- Refried Beans (about the size of two 50cent pieces)
- Salad (lettuce with a touch of bleu cheese dressing)
- Fruit Mixture (1 apple and 1 orange)
- 1 glass 1% milk

Exercise!
- 30 minutes on stationary bike: 220 calories
- Various weight machines after bike

Fresh Start

So tomorrow I'm doing a much needed "do-over". I got off track with eating so I'm starting again and revising some of my goals. I've realized that cutting soda out of my life completely is not realistic. The reason is because when I'm on my way home from visiting my boyfriend at night and I am tired I need something to keep me awake. Pepsi Max does the trick and since it does I'm sticking to that. That doesn't mean, however, that I am going to re-introduce myself to soda. I am only allowing myself to drink soda when I am traveling home from his house and that's it. Also, I need to find a way to get me to stop diving into temptations when I'm with my friends. When I'm with my boyfriend I'm going to start packing snacks for me to eat because every time I go there we eat out. Now he can eat out and I'll eat my healthy snacks. :-) When I'm with my friends, however, we shop for hours or go to a movie or whatever and then we're hungry. Restaurants and fast food seem like the only options. Not only is it expensive, it's very unhealthy and I need to find a way around it. On the plus side though, my grandma told me about a fitness area at the local community center that is open for the public to use for only $2 per visit and you don't have to sign any kind of contract. We are going tomorrow when I get off of work to see if I like it. I was planning on joining the YMCA tomorrow but if I like this then that's what I'll be doing because hey $2 and no contracts?! Who can beat that? :-) I feel positive and I hope this week is better than last. Toodles

XoXo

Temptation vs. Convenience

Ugh.. so my diet went south. Like south pole south. I was doing really good and honestly not really having any cravings. It was more that the bad food was just there and it was easy and convenient. For dinner on Wednesday I had a piece of pizza and 6 breadsticks with a glass of hawaiian punch. When I look back on that I see that I could have easily cut that piece in half and only ate one breadstick. Oh yeah, and how about water? I really need to learn how to drink that stuff. The real problem came later. My boyfriend lives an hour away and I didn't get on the road to drive home until 1am. Now usually I stop at a PDQ on the way home and grab a Pepsi Max and something with sugar, usually a doughnut, to keep myself awake. Well I banned soda from my diet and doughnuts are definetly a no-no. Well about 10 minutes into my drive I was feeling rather sleepy and I knew that for my safety and the safety of others that I needed to get something in my system. So what did I get? Oh yes, a Pepsi Max and a doughnut. I really didn't plan out my trip well enough and I need to find something else to stuff my face with on the way home. I was thinking some crunchy vegetables, maybe carrots or celery? And water of course, even though I do love my Pepsi Max. I might have to make a once a week exception on the soda, to ensure that I stay awake, I'm not sure yet. Now if you thought that was bad I'm not done! Yesterday I was home sick from work with a terrible migrane/dizzy spell. Well about 3 o'clock one of my friends asked me to tag along while she did some errands and I was in desperate need of some out of the house time so I obliged and tagged along. Since I didn't get up until 3 I really didn't have a breakfast or lunch. When I woke up I had a hard-boiled egg and piece of cheese and I was quite proud of myself for those selections. Well my friend and I ended up at her sisters art show where there were excellent munchies and treats. For the most part I maintained my urge to binge but I did have a cookie and a homemade eggroll ( <--most delicous thing ever!). We then proceeded to go back to her house to watch the "Sex and the City Movie" ( <--best movie ever!) and of course stopped at McDonald's on the way home. I got a 10 piece chicken nuggets with a diet coke. Ugh Ugh Ugh. What else do I say? And the worst part was that I wasn't even craving any of it and none of it really tasted that great, it's just the simple fact that it was there and it was easy, bleh. Well today is a new day, and it's going to be a great one! A friend from highschool is coming home and we're going out to eat but I know that if I cut everything in half I can come out of there w.o totally murdering my diet.

Wish me luck!

Breakfast:
-1 apple sausage
-1 peach yoplait yogurt: 100 calories
-1 glass 1% milk: 150 calories

Lunch:
-Lean Cuisine Chicken Ranch Club: 330 calories

Snack:

Dinner:

Purely Satisfied...

So until now, I forgot how satisfying it is to just be purely satisfied. I never truely realized how miserable it felt to be stuffed so full that if you tipped on your side you could roll down the street like a basketball. But that was me, everyday, every meal. I would eat and eat and eat until I felt like I could pop. Then I would go sit on the couch because it was too uncomfortable to move around. When it gets to the point where you can no longer 'suck in your tummy' and you have to just let it all hang out for the world to see, it pure embarassment. I am happy and truley proud to say that I haven't felt that full and bloated since Sunday. Now I know that 3 days doesn't seem like much but it is, it really is. It's a start and it's proof that I can do this, one step at a time. And heres a little something my co-worker shared with me reminding me that no matter what, to never ever take anything for granted.

Enjoy:

Even though I clutch my blanket and growl when the alarm rings. Thank you, Lord, that I can hear. There are many who are deaf.

Even though I keep my eyes closed against the morning light as long as possible. Thank you, Lord , that I can see. Many are blind.

Even though I huddle in my bed and put off rising. Thank you, Lord, that I have the strength to rise. There are many who are bedridden.

Even though the first hour of my day is hectic, when socks are lost, toast is burned, tempers are short, and my children are so loud.
Thank you, Lord, for my family. There are many who are lonely.

Even though our breakfast table never looks like the picture in magazines and the menu is at times unbalanced.
Thank you, Lord, for the food we have. There are many who are hungry.

Even though the routine of my job often is monotonous. Thank you, Lord, for the opportunity to work. There are many who have no job.

Even though I grumble and bemoan my fate from day to day and wish my circumstances were not so modest.

Thank you, Lord, for life.

My President's Black

Yesterday was a relatively good day. I still need to get my butt in gear on the exercise but the eating is going well. It was a big test for me because my mom had the brilliant idea of going out for dinner. Usually I would be more than thrilled to overindulge in a huge pile of fried delicousness but it was the thing I was dreading the most after newly starting my weight loss journey. We went to a Mexican restaurant and I was oooh so tempted to get a huge burrito or a chimichanga. Instead I was proud of myself and opted for a fried chicken caesar salad with water instead of soda. The salad was delicious with lots of vegatables (even though I know the yummy avacado spiked up the calories). I did well and only ate half of the salad, just enough until I started to feel full, and kept the other half for breakfast this morning. The only thing I wish I would've done differently was look at the salad dressing packet before I put it on. After I put the dressing on my salad I glanced at the calorie content on the packet: 340! Oh my goodness, are you kidding me?! 340? These people must be out of their minds! Hopefully splitting the salad in half helped to reduce the calorie content significantly. Ugh.

Breakfast:
- 1/2 grilled chicken caesar salad (lettuce, avacado, asparagus, green olives)
- 1 glass 1% milk

Lunch:
- 1 Lean Cuisine Butternut Squash Meal: 350 calories
- 1 bottle Dasani Water: 0 calories

Snack:

Dinner: