Click...

So last week I was unable to see The Biggest Loser so I taped it and watched it last night instead. (I taped last nights so don't tell me what happened I haven't seen it yet!) I must say that that was one of the most inspirational episodes I think I've ever seen. I'm not sure why but something just clicked, it was my "moment" to just sit there and finally wrap my head around everything. When you watch a show like that from week to week you don't really realize how much progress they have made since they started. Then they show you what they looked like at the beginning and you're like "oh my god". 12 weeks into the show it's hard to remember their fitness levels at the beginning. They couldn't walk for more than 10 minutes, they couldn't run at all and last week they ran 13 miles! To remember them as overweight people and seeing them now in good enough shape to run a half marathon makes me truely believe that I can do this as well. I can start with walking and biking only 30 minutes and only lifting 8lb free weights, but before I know it I will be walking and biking for hours at a time and kicking the shit out of any free-weight that crosses my path. Screw fast food, chocolate, soda, processed foods, sweets and anything else that helped me unhappily get to this size. Thank you to all of you that have inspired me. My mind is in a different place now and I can feel the difference. I thought I was ready before but I wasn't, I thought maybe if I said I was it would just happen. It didn't. I needed my "it" moment, that "click" in my head. Finally it happened and I'm ready now. Truely ready. God it feels good.

Moving Forward..or Just Moving?

So I've switched up my cardio and I've decided to stick to walking instead of my stationary bike. For some reason I just didn't feel as though I was working that hard and when I was done with my 30 minutes I was "tired" but not really sweaty or out of breath. My mom walks our dog every night so I decided to start tagging along and also walking him for 40 minutes in the morning before I go to work. It's a nice way to wake up in the morning and it's soooo nice to get outside after a looooong coooooold winter!! Now to my eating. Blah. Simply said. I need to eat better and eat less. Ugh it sounds sooo simple when I write it but for some reason it just isn't sticking in my head. My plan was to start buying my own groceries and make my own healthy meals for dinner and lunch to bring to work; however, me and my boyfriend made our decision last night to move to Fresno, California in about 6 months. Wow, it's really hard to still wrap my mind around that. Right now I have to save every penny I can so getting my own groceries isn't on my to do list. I think that given the now current situation my mail eating plan is to just eat less and make better choices with the food that I do have. I'm excited about our move but also very nervous. My life is here, my job is here, my family is here and my friends are here. And I'm really afraid that this move will really de-rail my "healthy lifestyle" change that I'm striving for. I'm ready for the challenge though and I know that if I can push through this successfully then I can do anything. It will be very refreshing to move to a new place. I've lived in Wisconsin my entire life; actually, I've lived in the same HOUSE my entire life. It will be amazing to be there in December with NO SNOW on the ground!! Big smiles for that one :-) I don't know, sometimes new adventures are exactly what we need to get out of a never ending rut and cycle. Hmm. Well I hope you all have a wonderful Monday.

Pushing...

So I worked out again last night. It was good to get moving and not really think twice about it. I did 30 minutes on the stationary bike, which was suprisingly easier than last week when I did it. I also did arms and abs. For arms I upped my free weights from 5lbs to 8lbs because I felt like the 5lbs were too easy and I definetly was working a lot harder with the 8lbs so I feel like I made a good decision. Once again I pushed until I basically couldn't push anymore. It felt really good and I love this way of working out. It inspires me to keep going because I feel like I actually am doing something. I ate dinner right after I worked out and it was actually somewhat hard to lift my fork to my mouth because my arms were so exhausted. As weird as this may sound it was a great feeling :-) My favorite arm exercise that just kills is one where you have your arms at your sides and then you raise them up in front of you so that they are parallel with the floor. (Are these called lat raises? I'm not sure) But instead of lowering your arms back to your sides, you bend your arms at your elbows and go into a shoulder press. Oh my god did this kill! These were super hard but I love them! My eating is slowly getting better. I need to go grocery shopping when I get paid this week so I can make up healthy lunches and dinners and really get my eating under control as well. I've cut down my portions and added some fruits and veggies. I had an apple with my dinner last night and with breakfast this morning. I also packed 4 cherry tomatoes for lunch today so it's getting better but not 100% yet. I hope you are all doing wonderfully and having a great day!

Back At It...

So yesterday I realized how unhappy I am because of my weight. My boyfriend left to visit his cousin in California yesterday (so jealous lol) and before he left we got into an argument. Now don't ask me what it was about because honestly I don't remember and I realized that I have these stupid mood swings for no reason, basically because right now I'm not happy with who I have become physically and it's starting to really affect me mentally. Needless to say that really inspired me to get my butt back into gear. Also, his mom and I were talking on the way home from the airport and she mentioned a family trip to a waterpark area and that I would be invited when the details are worked out. I certainly do not want to go around in a swimsuit how I look now, so I figured even if I lost 10 or 20 pounds before summer it would make me feel a million times better. So that was all I needed to be re-inspired (look how simple that was). I worked out last night and I am determined to push myself to my limit everytime I work out. Last night I did 30 minutes on my stationary bike, which I would like to eventually get up to 1 hour. I also did some arm exercises for my biceps, triceps and shoulders. I did sets of 15 reps and did as many sets as I could physically do. I felt good that I pushed myself like that, usually I have a set number in mind and that's all I do. But basically I'm ready to work hard and see results. I think next time I do arms I'm going to up my weights. I started with a 5 pound set of dumbells just for starters but I'm going to up it to my 8lb-ers. My arms aren't as sore as I wish they were. I know that sounds weird but I almost feel as thought I need that validation to let myself know that I am doing good. Hmm I dunno. My eating is going to get back on track as well. My brother brought me home a 12 inch sub from the deli that he works at so I split it in thirds and had a third for dinner last night and a third for breakfast this morning and then again today for lunch. I could have easily scarfed down the whole sub but I was really proud of myself for only eating 1/3 at a time. Happy Friday!!

And Again...

So I exercised last night for the first time in a loonnnngggg time. It felt good to be back but I'm upset that I ever left. My step-mom wants to start exercising once a week and it's good to know that I will be accountable at least that one time, now I just need to figure out a way to keep myself accountable for the rest of the week. Hmm I dunno. I definetly didn't push myself as hard as I could have but it wasn't a walk in the park either. I did 30 minutes of cardio split between the stationary bike and the treadmill. The part that really opened my eyes was how hard I was breathing and sweating for doing barely any work. I need to do this, desperately for my health. I haven't worked out in maybe a month and I have already gone so downhill in my endurance and stamina..ugh. Well heres to hoping I finally wake up and see how bad I need this...

Um..Defeated?

Hmm so I'm feeling somewhat defeated lately. But I'm not sure if I should use the word "defeated" because I'm not giving up I'm just so sick of my excuses and my behavior. I need to get back on track physically and mentally. More mentally than anything. I've started to become quite an unpleasant person lately and I know that it's mostly because I am unhappy. I know what to do, I know what I need to do and I know how to do it. So why am I not doing it? I need motivation. I've been searching a lot lately for motivation and for something to turn on that light bulb in my head. I've been waiting for the day to happen when everything suddenly clicks like magic. However, that's not realistic. I need to help it click in my head, I need to find the right motivation to have it all make sense. I can't expect it to find me, I have to find it. I've decided to try some things to get my motivation factor up. I was thinking of maybe getting some pages together into a binder and filling them with motivational quotes or sayings and pictures of people that have bodies that I really admire. Maybe some random tid-bits of helpful hints or tricks to remember along the way. Eventually it would be nice to turn it into a progress binder. I would like to put in pictures of where I started, where I am currently and hopefully an "end" picture. Basically like what I'm doing here only in a binder that I can look at everyday when I wake up and every night before I go to sleep. Basically make it a part of my daily routine to remind me of what I need and want to do. And if I'm feeling un-motivated I can turn to it to get me back on track. Food-wise I need to tweak my habits as well. On my trips home from my boyfriends house I stop at a gas station and get a Pepsi Max and something with sugar to keep me awake. Lately it has been a bag of honey roasted cashews and a nice chocolate donut with cream filling. Hmm probably not the best for the waistline huh? Last night I scoped out the gas station more thoroughly instead of just bee-lining to the soda and donut cases. I saw that they sell fresh fruit and one of my favorite things: cottage doubles! It's a container with one side low fat cottage cheese and one side fruit 'topping'. They also had hard boiled eggs. It opened my eyes to the fact that I can still get something to eat to keep me alert but be healthy; from now on that's what I am going to do. Also, I love egg whites but I usually only eat them harboiled and I've heard that scrambled egg whites are also really yummy. Have any of you ever had liquid egg whites? I saw an add for them in Weight Watchers magazine and you can use them in cooking and scramble them or add them to dishes and some say you can even drink them plain (not sure how I feel about that option lol). I was just wondering if anyone has ever had any or knows anyone that has and if they're good or not. Well thanks all for listening to me rant about nothing. Toodles and good luck to everyone!!

Fresh Start

I want this, I really do. So why am I not doing it like I should? Because my worst enemies are standing in my way. Laziness and Excuses. Well guess what? I'm over it. I'm over laziness, I'm over excuses, I'm over being fat, I'm over being unhappy. I'm over it. So here's to a fresh start. I will weigh myself tonight since I have yet to weigh myself considering my dumb scale is broken. And I will officially 'start over' today. I need to up my gym time and really work my ass off while I'm there. I need to make everything count if I'm going to do this. I feel rejuvenated and re-energized. No more fast food, no more sweets, lots more water, lots more sweat, less fat and less calories. I will be bringing meals with me when I go visit my boyfriend (since he is a fast food maniac), and drinking lotssss more water. Thank you to all of you for inspiring me to start fresh and healthy! Happy Tuesday!