Um..Defeated?

Hmm so I'm feeling somewhat defeated lately. But I'm not sure if I should use the word "defeated" because I'm not giving up I'm just so sick of my excuses and my behavior. I need to get back on track physically and mentally. More mentally than anything. I've started to become quite an unpleasant person lately and I know that it's mostly because I am unhappy. I know what to do, I know what I need to do and I know how to do it. So why am I not doing it? I need motivation. I've been searching a lot lately for motivation and for something to turn on that light bulb in my head. I've been waiting for the day to happen when everything suddenly clicks like magic. However, that's not realistic. I need to help it click in my head, I need to find the right motivation to have it all make sense. I can't expect it to find me, I have to find it. I've decided to try some things to get my motivation factor up. I was thinking of maybe getting some pages together into a binder and filling them with motivational quotes or sayings and pictures of people that have bodies that I really admire. Maybe some random tid-bits of helpful hints or tricks to remember along the way. Eventually it would be nice to turn it into a progress binder. I would like to put in pictures of where I started, where I am currently and hopefully an "end" picture. Basically like what I'm doing here only in a binder that I can look at everyday when I wake up and every night before I go to sleep. Basically make it a part of my daily routine to remind me of what I need and want to do. And if I'm feeling un-motivated I can turn to it to get me back on track. Food-wise I need to tweak my habits as well. On my trips home from my boyfriends house I stop at a gas station and get a Pepsi Max and something with sugar to keep me awake. Lately it has been a bag of honey roasted cashews and a nice chocolate donut with cream filling. Hmm probably not the best for the waistline huh? Last night I scoped out the gas station more thoroughly instead of just bee-lining to the soda and donut cases. I saw that they sell fresh fruit and one of my favorite things: cottage doubles! It's a container with one side low fat cottage cheese and one side fruit 'topping'. They also had hard boiled eggs. It opened my eyes to the fact that I can still get something to eat to keep me alert but be healthy; from now on that's what I am going to do. Also, I love egg whites but I usually only eat them harboiled and I've heard that scrambled egg whites are also really yummy. Have any of you ever had liquid egg whites? I saw an add for them in Weight Watchers magazine and you can use them in cooking and scramble them or add them to dishes and some say you can even drink them plain (not sure how I feel about that option lol). I was just wondering if anyone has ever had any or knows anyone that has and if they're good or not. Well thanks all for listening to me rant about nothing. Toodles and good luck to everyone!!

Fresh Start

I want this, I really do. So why am I not doing it like I should? Because my worst enemies are standing in my way. Laziness and Excuses. Well guess what? I'm over it. I'm over laziness, I'm over excuses, I'm over being fat, I'm over being unhappy. I'm over it. So here's to a fresh start. I will weigh myself tonight since I have yet to weigh myself considering my dumb scale is broken. And I will officially 'start over' today. I need to up my gym time and really work my ass off while I'm there. I need to make everything count if I'm going to do this. I feel rejuvenated and re-energized. No more fast food, no more sweets, lots more water, lots more sweat, less fat and less calories. I will be bringing meals with me when I go visit my boyfriend (since he is a fast food maniac), and drinking lotssss more water. Thank you to all of you for inspiring me to start fresh and healthy! Happy Tuesday!

A Sign From God?

Okay so this may sound stupid but I would really appreciate any feedback that anyone has for me. I feel kind of like a little kid but whatever lol. So I believe in God, I'm not super religious but I definitely believe in him. There has been something going on in my life (I may care to share more details later, depending) and I asked God for a sign on what's going on in this situation. Lol I just really feel juvenile even talking about this but whatever. So when I'm driving home from my boyfriend's house at night I will sometimes see shooting stars and I think they are the coolest thing ever. Well, I haven't seen one in probably 2-3 months. So I asked God a yes or no question pertaining to my situation and asked him that if the answer was yes to show me a shooting star before I got home. Now there's a part of me that really wanted to see that shooting star so of course I was scanning the sky constantly my whole ride home just looking and trying not to miss it if it ended up happening. So I was about 20 minutes from home and I gave up on scanning the sky and focused on the thought of getting in my warm snugly bed and going to sleep. Lo and behold right after I gave up, there came the shooting star. Not off to the side, not behind me but right in front of my face. I looked at it and truly could not believe that it was there. I have never received a sign from God when I've asked for them before and I've realized that it's because when I asked for them before it was about stupid things that really didn't matter. This is a more important issue and when I saw the sign I was kind of in awe. At the same time, however, I feel kind of stupid and childlike. I mean, I'm relying on a star as a sign? I want to believe it and I think it would be amazing if it really was but of course the logical part of me is saying it was just a coincidence. And then again I'm asking myself why I asked God for a sign if I wasn't going to believe it when it happened. I mean, of course time will tell whether or not it truly a sign, but I just thought I would see what you guys thought. Happy Monday!