Um..Defeated?

Hmm so I'm feeling somewhat defeated lately. But I'm not sure if I should use the word "defeated" because I'm not giving up I'm just so sick of my excuses and my behavior. I need to get back on track physically and mentally. More mentally than anything. I've started to become quite an unpleasant person lately and I know that it's mostly because I am unhappy. I know what to do, I know what I need to do and I know how to do it. So why am I not doing it? I need motivation. I've been searching a lot lately for motivation and for something to turn on that light bulb in my head. I've been waiting for the day to happen when everything suddenly clicks like magic. However, that's not realistic. I need to help it click in my head, I need to find the right motivation to have it all make sense. I can't expect it to find me, I have to find it. I've decided to try some things to get my motivation factor up. I was thinking of maybe getting some pages together into a binder and filling them with motivational quotes or sayings and pictures of people that have bodies that I really admire. Maybe some random tid-bits of helpful hints or tricks to remember along the way. Eventually it would be nice to turn it into a progress binder. I would like to put in pictures of where I started, where I am currently and hopefully an "end" picture. Basically like what I'm doing here only in a binder that I can look at everyday when I wake up and every night before I go to sleep. Basically make it a part of my daily routine to remind me of what I need and want to do. And if I'm feeling un-motivated I can turn to it to get me back on track. Food-wise I need to tweak my habits as well. On my trips home from my boyfriends house I stop at a gas station and get a Pepsi Max and something with sugar to keep me awake. Lately it has been a bag of honey roasted cashews and a nice chocolate donut with cream filling. Hmm probably not the best for the waistline huh? Last night I scoped out the gas station more thoroughly instead of just bee-lining to the soda and donut cases. I saw that they sell fresh fruit and one of my favorite things: cottage doubles! It's a container with one side low fat cottage cheese and one side fruit 'topping'. They also had hard boiled eggs. It opened my eyes to the fact that I can still get something to eat to keep me alert but be healthy; from now on that's what I am going to do. Also, I love egg whites but I usually only eat them harboiled and I've heard that scrambled egg whites are also really yummy. Have any of you ever had liquid egg whites? I saw an add for them in Weight Watchers magazine and you can use them in cooking and scramble them or add them to dishes and some say you can even drink them plain (not sure how I feel about that option lol). I was just wondering if anyone has ever had any or knows anyone that has and if they're good or not. Well thanks all for listening to me rant about nothing. Toodles and good luck to everyone!!