Friday, November 13, 2009

Lifelong Goal

Happy Friday! I know I'm very happy to see the weekend, how about you?
 
I know I've struggled with my weight my entire life. I've always been bigger than all my friends but I was also always taller. In 5th grade I was already 5'8". I was basically a gentle giant until the rest of my friends caught up. Some never did haha. Looking back I didn't think that my weight really ever crossed my mind when I was younger.
 
But I was wrong.
 
I found an old journal I used to write in when I was younger and read a little bit of it. I found a passage from the month before my mom and step-dad got married. My goal was to get down to 175 pounds from the 190's before their wedding.
 
That was 9 years ago, I was twelve years old.
 
I've always been a person that could say I really don't know what it's like to be thin because I never have been. Until reading that, I never realized how true it was.
 
I have never been thin.
 
I don’t know what it's like.
 
I don’t know what it feels like.
 
But I will.
 
Reading that passage lit a fire inside of me. I've read a lot of blogs lately about having fear. Fear of reaching a goal, fear of the unknown. I too have that fear. I have that fear because I've never been thin. It's a fear of the unknown but it's also a fear of failing. Inside I ask myself, if I have never been able to control my weight what makes me think I can do it now? What makes me think I can succeed? What makes me think this time will be different?
 
I don't think I can do it now.
I don't think I will succeed this time.
I don’t think this time will be different.
 
I KNOW it.
 
Why?
 
Because I have the tools to succeed. I have the knowledge to succeed. I have the drive to succeed. And as I'm writing this, I just happened to look at the calendar and see the date. Yes, it's Friday the 13th. The 13th of November. Exactly 3 months since I started on this journey. Do you know how long I lasted last time I tried this? 2 months. 2 months and 20 pounds.
 
Now, it has been 3 months, 30 pounds and I'm still loving every second of it.
 
This time, change will happen. It has been my lifelong goal, literally, to lose weight and be healthy. It's about time I take my life back.

7 comments:

  1. You will do it. You have to be in the right frame of mind and it seems this time you are. We all go through the ups and downs before we finally decide enough is enough. Just getting one more month and 10 more pounds says a lot! Good luck.

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  2. I don't really need to say much, as you articulated yourself very well.

    I have long believed you could do it, an I have never ever, guiven my support to a failure.

    So I know you will not fail yourself.

    GOOD LUCK.

    :-) :-).

    Matt

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  3. you have done such a turn around in 3 months, and i can't wait to see what you continue to do. you are capable of so much and you are WELL on your way to the body you want!

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  4. I needed your post today, reading it came at just the right time. Thank you. I know you can do this, you're doing amazing and also great motivation to other readers!

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  5. Thank you for your lovely comment on my blog post. I have been reading a lot of your blog lately, and I really love it. This post especially. I feel like we have a lot in common. I too was a 5th grade giant..tallest in my class. I was done growing at that point. When you stop growing up (height wise), you start growing OUT. Which is exactly what happened to me too.

    I wish you the best of luck, 30lbs in 3 months is amazing! =)

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  6. wow, 30 lbs in 3 months, that's awesome!! you are so well on your way and sounds like you have a very positive mindset!

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  7. You can do it, you WILL do it. Loving the positive mindset!

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