Happy Friday! I'm sooo excited that the weekend is finally here! How about you?

Wednesday was my weigh in day. I weighed in at 241.8 lbs. That's a 0.7 pound loss, which I am surprisingly satisfied with. I know that may sound weird because I was pretty disappointed with my 1 pound and 1.8 pound losses but I feel like I didn't put in more than a 0.7 pound loss effort this week. I was actually expecting to stay the same or even gain so I was happy I lost anything. I only went to the gym once and worked out once at home, that was it. I ate out many times, had a few "drinks" and even had a large slice of ice cream cake. So absolutely, I am satisfied with ANY loss I was surprisingly able to pull off this week.

Last night I had a mini eating-at-a-restaurant crisis. It was completely emotional and it shouldn't have happened but it did. I went out to eat with my mom, brother and my mom's friend as a mini birthday celebration for me since her friend was unable to make my actual birthday party. We went to Buffalo Wild Wings and I got the Honey BBQ Chicken Tender's Wrap which comes with tortilla chips and salsa. I ate the whole wrap and all the chips. The wrap wasn't huge but I definitely could have easily stopped with just half and no chips. I also had a fruity mixed drink called "Bahama Mama" and a shot of Bailey's Irish Cream with Butterscotch. I guess it wasn't as bad as I thought but I think the worst part was that I was constantly saying to myself to stop eating but I didn't. I didn't care at that point. I was mad, sad and concerned. Why you ask? Well let me tell you...

My cousin text me earlier that night saying that her and her boyfriend are done for good. They have been together for 4 years and lived together for about 3. They had some issues at the beginning with him cheating but they resolved all those and moved forward with complete trust in one another. Their relationship was very strong, they were always together and always seemed "happy". They talked about marriage and kids and everyone in our family loved him. Well apparently last night he told her that he never intended to marry her or have kids with her and that he never stopped cheating she just thought he did. I was very taken aback when she told me this. A wall of emotions hit me. I was pissed off because of how he treated her, I was sad because I can't imagine what she's going through and I immediately started to question my own relationship with my boyfriend. I know that it really makes no sense to start questioning my relationship but I did because it reminded me how easily people can lie and manipulate their way to get just about anything they want. It's scary to see such a "good" couple break up. It took me all night but I eventually pushed those thoughts of doubt out of my head because my boyfriend is sooo different and it's not fair to him to start thinking he could be using me like her boyfriend was using her. Even though I'm feeling better now I know that all those emotions absolutely triggered my carelessness toward my food choices at the restaurant.

I know that if I plan to meet my goal of 235 by Christmas I need to step it up. I need to get weekends under control, start working out a MINIMUM of 4 days a week and try some new classes. I'm starting all three of those changes NOW. This weekend will not be a free for all. I will work out Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. I am signing up for a Pilates class tomorrow and hopefully a spinning class on Monday.

I know that some changes are good and others are bad. Some are scary and can knock the wind out of us. My cousin will have to learn to pick up the pieces from a relationship she thought she would be in for the rest of her life. The leaves are changing colors and dropping from the trees. The clocks will change back on Sunday morning so that now waking up and leaving work will both be met by darkness. I will soon be down to 235 pounds. I will never again live a sedentary unhealthy life. I know that this change I'm making is the funnest yet; the best decision of my entire life. 

"Day to day nothing changes but when you look back you realize that nothing is the same"