Get Bugged

So I think I'm going to break down and buy a bodybugg. I've heard really good things about them and I really think it will help a lot. I'm very excited!! Not much else to say right now, food has been bad, exercise has been non-existent. Hopefully my new toy will motivate me to finally get my ass on track. It'll be exciting and motivating to actually be able to see that I am doing something instead of constantly wondering if what I'm doing is enough.

Hope you all have a fun and SAFE Memorial Day weekend!!!

Blah...

So I've been suuuuuuuper busy lately and I haven't been posting nearly enough!!

My eating has been blah, very blah. I just keep eating out and I need to really learn how to fight the temptation and just eat better if I do go out to eat. I've been having a lot of ice cream lately too, I'm not sure why. I haven't written down what I've eating since like Wednesday so I need to get back on that Monday too.

Exercise has been bad as usual. I'm doing my weekly workouts with my step-mom on Tuesday nights and I got up to biking for 40 minutes now which is nice. (I started at 30) I would like to get up to 60 and stay there. I've also been doing the Britney Spears dance classes which I love so that's good exercise as well I just need to start exercising on the other days of the week.

Sorry I don't really feel like blogging and I'm not sure why just busy and super tired and just a lot on my mind. Money's tight like always and I know it's tight for everyone it just is hard to deal with sometimes and it's discouraging. I haven't seen my boyfriend for 2 weeks because he has been very sick with the stomach flu. (Don't worry it's not the swine flu!! lol) But it's also hard to really want to do a lot when I miss him so much. Blah I dunno I'm just tired and need to get a good nights sleep. Dance class tomorrow!!

Hope you are all having a great weekend!!

:-)

I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can...

Happy Monday to all! I bet everyone is just thrilled to be back to the daily grind. I kind of am because I really don't mind work and would rather be here making money then at home doing nothing. It would be nice to sleep in a little extra though! :-)

So eats this weekend were…hmm how do I put this? Horrible? Horrendous? Disastrous? How about all of the above? Friday I did pretty good. I had the house to myself so I watched an old movie from when the Olsen twins were 6 haha it was awesome. And then I watched some of my Friends DVD's. I only had a small bowl of chicken alfredo for dinner with a glass of milk but I did have a couple glasses of Orange Peach Mango juice so that brought my calories up. Saturday I vaguely remember everything I ate which usually means that nothing I ate was healthy and I was stuffing my face without really thinking first. Hmm lets see, I started the day with pasta salad and a bagel. Then I had a chicken salad sandwich with apple juice, then an ice cream sundae from Dairy Queen with lots of chocolate and brownie pieces, then a 3 piece chicken dinner with fries, loads of ketchup and 4 glasses of diet coke. Wow looks like all my disciplined hard work the previous week went all down the drain. Great job Jenny. Sunday I had a couple pieces of Rocky's Pizza, lots of jalapeno cheese bread, some cheese curds, soda, milk and a gyro. Again, great job way to keep up the healthy eating. Well I'm definitely suffering today because I just ate lunch less than 2 hours ago and my stomach is growling already. Too bad I guess I just have to suffer through it and get myself back on track, my own fault. I knew this hurdle would come and I really think that it'll be the hardest of overcome. When I'm with my friends, we go out to eat. I figure 'Hey if they can eat all this junk I can too'. Well it's wrong, I know it's wrong but I have such an addiction to food that I just don't care. I know that I can't completely get around eating out with them but I can definitely make healthier choices and eat less. I felt disgusted going to bed last night knowing that I could have done better and I simply didn't. Oh well I guess we'll see how next weekend goes.

Exercise for the weekend was okay, not horrible by any means. On Saturday I did a lot of walking downtown with friends and a ton of shopping. Sunday I did my Britney Spears dance class. Ahh I've started to become addicted to dancing and I LOVE it. The song we did was "I'm A Slave For You". The choreography was very challenging and I definitely gained a new respect for dancers. No wonder they are soo in shape. Wow it really works you out and I am very sore today. After the class me and my friend, her sister and my sister (we're doing the class together) practiced for like 2 hours because we wanted to get it down and keep the moves fresh in our minds. So I must say that Sunday was definitely a good day for exercise. Me and one of my friends also decided to start walking together on Sunday mornings. We would like to once a week (Sunday) walk around one of the lakes that is here. It's about a 14 mile walk so we will definitely have to work up to that but I'm excited to get started.

Well I hope you all have a wonderful Monday!! (sorry for the long post..oops)

:-)

Satisfied...

So I forgot how amazing it feels to eat healthy and be "satisfied". I think I said this in my last post but I feel sooo wonderful just having my stomach be satisfied instead of overstuffed, bloated and sick. Ahh this is the life…

Eating yesterday was good. I've gotten my body used to the less calories and all it took was 1 day of hunger pangs and I haven't had any again so I'm very happy about that. I actually forgot to eat my first snack today until 10 am (I usually eat it at 9:30) because I wasn't hungry lol. Part of me wanted to not eat because of that, but I knew that if I didn't eat I would become hungry and for me that is one of the worst feelings in the world. I get an upset stomach, dizzy and a horrible headache. I think that is one of the reasons I overeat so much. Whenever I get the hunger feeling I want to shovel food in my mouth to ensure that it goes away before the headache starts and I'm miserable. Hmm I guess I never thought of that before. Eating healthy has been relatively easy. Last night I made turkey stuffed portabella mushrooms to take to work for the next couple days so I'm excited about that. I can't wait to get some fresh asparagus on Saturday at the farmers market, yummy :-) I think the thing I've had to adjust to the most with this new eating is not eating when I get home from work. Before I would get home and shovel food in my face as I watched the Tyra Banks Show (<--LOVE that show). Now I come home and don't eat anything until 4:30 when I have a small snack. It's been a big adjustment and I still find myself getting up at commercial breaks and walking to the fridge but then I just turn around and walk right back to the couch without grabbing anything. I'm very proud that I can do that and it makes me feel good and confident that I can overcome this eating battle once and for all. I must confess, I did have a chocolate cupcake today at work. Hmm I'm not upset about it though. If I want something I'm going to have it, I just need to teach myself that not everything I eat can be a chocolate cupcake and that when I want to have a treat I can but I can't go on a total binge. One chocolate cupcake was nice to satisfy my chocolate craving and now I'm probably good for another week or maybe even longer. I've learned that the harder I am on myself about what I eat the faster I go back to junk food that only make me feel sick afterwards. Healthy is the way to go, eating 6 times a day with 3 snacks and 3 meals and a little treat here and there. That's what is working for me and I'm sticking to it.

What's not working, however, is exercise. I think that starting a new way of eating and starting to exercise all in the same week was not something I could handle. I think once I make it through my first week of eating healthy and counting calories I will be ready to tackle my exercise demons. Next week I'm starting and I'm not giving my self a choice anymore. No more free passes because I'm only hurting myself. Not exercising is in no way benefiting me at all. Once I get that through my head I'll be golden. Wish me luck!

:-)

Happy Thursday!!

(almost Friday!!)

Sweet Success

So yesterday was a pretty good day.


I did remarkably well with the eating, I was actually quite surprised with myself. It was my first day of eating every 2-3 hours, watching my calories and writing down everything I eat. I haven't totalled up the calories yet but I think it is right around 2000 calories. That is exactly where I would like to be right now. I figured out that I was eating at least 2500 calories a day so I needed to cut out around 500. Eventually I would like to be at about 1800 calories and stay there for life, but for right now 2000 is good. I packed two snacks and a lunch for work, one snack to eat at 9:30 and one to eat at 2:30 and that seemed to work out good. I wanted to also incorporate another snack after dinner but soon realized that I am probably going to have to eat 2 snacks in between lunch and dinner because I eat lunch at 11-11:30. I'm fine with eating 2 snacks before dinner and then nothing after, I actually like that better. I did have a few slight hunger pangs yesterday but nothing major and I was definetly expecting some considering it was my first day cutting out more than a meals worth of calories. What I really enjoyed was the feeling of being "satisfied". I can't tell you the last time that I didn't stuff my face so much everytime I ate food that it was uncomfortable to do anything because I was soooo full. Yesterday I didn't have that feeling once and it was amazing. It felt so good and it has been FOREVER since I've felt like that I forgot what it was like. And by the way I never realized how many calories is in regular peanut butter..wow!


Exercise…what exercise? I need help because I don't know what to do. I can't get my lazy ass up at 5am to exercise. My alarm goes off and I reset it for 5:50 when I normally get up. Blah this morning I was like "you don't have a choice, get your ass up" but I still rolled over and reset my alarm. Does anyone have any suggestions on things I can do to make myself get up? I want to work out in the morning so that I also have the option to work out at night and have "two-a-days". I just need to get in the routine of waking up early and doing so. Any suggestions would be realllly appreciated.


Happy Tuesday!! Biggest Loser Tonight!!

:-)

Weekend Recap...

Happy Monday! Hope all of you had a wonderful weekend!

My weekend was BUSY but very very fun!!

The definite highlight of my weekend was the "Best of Britney Spears" dance class I took on Sunday. It was soooo much fun!! And such a great workout!! It's a 4 week workshop (every Sunday in May) for $40 and each class is an hour long. The instructors made a mix of 4 Brit songs: Oops I Did It Again, I'm A Slave For You, Me Against the Music and Circus, and each week we learn the choreography for one of the songs. On the 4th week we will put all 4 songs together for the complete routine. I've never taken a dance class before but it has always been something I wanted to do and let me tell you I will definetly be taking many more!! I must say the choreography was pretty challenging for my first class but hey it's Britney Spears what do you expect? Boy did I get a workout, by the time I was done my face was beat red and I was pouring sweat. I think my next class will be a 6 week Bellydancing workshop! :-) I'm super excited about that too.

I'm starting today with healthy food, no soda, no sweets for now and lotssss of water. I made my food journal this weekend so I will be recording everything I eat in there so I can see a visual and keep me better accountable. I made veggie quesadillas this weekend for lunch this week. I added 2 slices of turkey breast for a little protein. I also brought in 2 snacks to eat at 9:30 and 2:30 to keep me nice and full throughout the day. I also bought some portobella mushrooms this weekend (yummy!) and will be buying some ground turkey to fill them up for this recipe I found online. Yum I can't wait!!

I knew I wouldn't get up at 5 this morning to exercise so I didn't even attempt it but tomorrow starts me morning routine so it's not a choice!! Tonight, however, I am going to my friends house to practice our dance class routine so that will be some good exercise and I'd like to start doing extra ab work right before I go to bed (especially lower abs!!)

Well that's all I have for now. Hope you guys have a fun and successful Monday!

:-)

Wow...

So despite my mini-meltdown this morning (sorry guys!) I'm having a rather good day. I feel like it's exactly what I needed to push me back in the right direction. There are a few changes that I'm going to be making over the next couple days to really set this plan into action.


1.) I am starting 2 new blogs. One will be my daily journal and the other will be a food journal. I will put links up on the side of my page if you want to check them out. I think it is important for me to start writing about life in general everyday as someone would in a journal. I need to really reflect on what's working, what's not, what's making me happy/sad, changes I need to make in different areas and basically just so I have something written down day to day that I can go back to if I need to see how I'm doing. A fellow blogger (thanks for your kind words!) made a good point to me. I have to love myself as I am right now before I can ever love myself skinny. I think right now I'm not happy. There are things that make me happy, yes but overall I'm not happy. I'm hoping that journaling and reflecting will really help me get back on track and love me again. The food journal is important because I need to write down everything I eat. I went to a couple of different websites and calculated what my calorie intake needs to be to lose weight. In order to maintain my weight I need to eat 2450 calories! I was shocked. That means that since I have been gaining weight I've been eating more than that. Yuck. That makes me feel absolutely gross. I want to cut my calories down to 200 to start and then maybe to 1800 to stay at for life once I get into the groove of things.


2.) I need to be honest with the people in my life that love me. My friends and family are aware that I want to lose weight but I've never really been open with them about all the steps I'm taking, including this blog. My boyfriend actually didn't even know I was trying to lose weight until this morning. I don't like telling people because I'm not proud of the fact that I actually have to do this, but I realized that telling my loved ones and having them support me is the #1 thing I need. When I told my boyfriend this morning that I was sorry about our fight and that right now I'm not happy with myself and that's why I've been so crazy he asked me what was wrong. I decided to give in and tell him that I'm trying to lose weight and all I can think about all the time is my weight and how I must look to other people. This is what he wrote back, "Baby you can't do anything but be you. I mean I'm not all religious but God makes us the way we are. You can always just work out to get better if you think it's that bad. I'll do it with you." When I saw that I teared up. I was expecting him to say something like "well stop eating so much and get your fat ass to the gym". (Okay maybe not that harsh lol) But I really wasn't expecting him to be that open and accepting of what I'm doing and actually want to join me and be there with me. I've learned that I can't do this alone and involving those I love is very important and essential if I want to be successful.


3.) I want to get more in touch with my religion. I've never been a super religious person but my family has always attended mass here and there and both me and my brother are confirmed into the Catholic Church. All of my grandparents (I have 7) are very religious, my step-dads parents actually spend an hour a day praying the rosary and other prayers. I've always prayed to God at night before I go to bed and I'm very proud of my religion, I just haven't put forth the effort to really do much besides my once a day prayer. I want to read the bible cover to cover and get some different "bible study" books to further understand and relate to what I'm reading. I don't ever want to be one of those people that pushes their religion on others and is so revolved around everything God and everything church but I do want to consider myself religious and "get closer" with God. I think it will not only help me to become happier with my life and myself but also assist me on this journey.


Sorry for babbling on I just figured that if I wrote down my thoughts I'd be more apt to actually follow through with them. Thanks to all of you for your support and kind words.


Happy Friday!!!

:-)

Pursuit of Happyness?

I'm not happy. Right now I feel like I'm almost to my breaking point. To the point where change starts to happen because I'm are so fed up with how everything is going.


I realized this last night, when me and my boyfriend got in yet another fight. For no reason. He said a lot of things I needed to hear. He said that I seem like I'm never happy, that right now he never see's me smile and he feels like I'm always bored. It made me step back and look at how I'm acting. He's right. I sit there and mope. Basically because I'm constantly, non-stop always thinking about my weight and how I look and hoping that I look okay and knowing that my clothes don't fit right anymore and knowing that my face is so round that you could pluck it off my shoulders and shoot a free throw with it. I'm so distracted by my insecurities that I can't focus on spending good quality time with him like I need to. He's the love of my life and has always been there for me no matter what. I've put on 50 lbs since I met him 2 1/2 years ago and he still thinks I'm sexy and still loves me for me and here I am worrying about whether or not he does. What I need to worry about is whether or not I love me for me.


I don't.


I've come to realize this. Right now I can't love myself because this isn't me. This isn't who I am. This isn't who I'm going to be. I want to lose weight, I want to feel good in clothes, I want to be healthy and I want to be happy.


I need this.


People can't feel good about me until I feel good about myself.


Period. End of story.