So despite my mini-meltdown this morning (sorry guys!) I'm having a rather good day. I feel like it's exactly what I needed to push me back in the right direction. There are a few changes that I'm going to be making over the next couple days to really set this plan into action.
1.) I am starting 2 new blogs. One will be my daily journal and the other will be a food journal. I will put links up on the side of my page if you want to check them out. I think it is important for me to start writing about life in general everyday as someone would in a journal. I need to really reflect on what's working, what's not, what's making me happy/sad, changes I need to make in different areas and basically just so I have something written down day to day that I can go back to if I need to see how I'm doing. A fellow blogger (thanks for your kind words!) made a good point to me. I have to love myself as I am right now before I can ever love myself skinny. I think right now I'm not happy. There are things that make me happy, yes but overall I'm not happy. I'm hoping that journaling and reflecting will really help me get back on track and love me again. The food journal is important because I need to write down everything I eat. I went to a couple of different websites and calculated what my calorie intake needs to be to lose weight. In order to maintain my weight I need to eat 2450 calories! I was shocked. That means that since I have been gaining weight I've been eating more than that. Yuck. That makes me feel absolutely gross. I want to cut my calories down to 200 to start and then maybe to 1800 to stay at for life once I get into the groove of things.
2.) I need to be honest with the people in my life that love me. My friends and family are aware that I want to lose weight but I've never really been open with them about all the steps I'm taking, including this blog. My boyfriend actually didn't even know I was trying to lose weight until this morning. I don't like telling people because I'm not proud of the fact that I actually have to do this, but I realized that telling my loved ones and having them support me is the #1 thing I need. When I told my boyfriend this morning that I was sorry about our fight and that right now I'm not happy with myself and that's why I've been so crazy he asked me what was wrong. I decided to give in and tell him that I'm trying to lose weight and all I can think about all the time is my weight and how I must look to other people. This is what he wrote back, "Baby you can't do anything but be you. I mean I'm not all religious but God makes us the way we are. You can always just work out to get better if you think it's that bad. I'll do it with you." When I saw that I teared up. I was expecting him to say something like "well stop eating so much and get your fat ass to the gym". (Okay maybe not that harsh lol) But I really wasn't expecting him to be that open and accepting of what I'm doing and actually want to join me and be there with me. I've learned that I can't do this alone and involving those I love is very important and essential if I want to be successful.
3.) I want to get more in touch with my religion. I've never been a super religious person but my family has always attended mass here and there and both me and my brother are confirmed into the Catholic Church. All of my grandparents (I have 7) are very religious, my step-dads parents actually spend an hour a day praying the rosary and other prayers. I've always prayed to God at night before I go to bed and I'm very proud of my religion, I just haven't put forth the effort to really do much besides my once a day prayer. I want to read the bible cover to cover and get some different "bible study" books to further understand and relate to what I'm reading. I don't ever want to be one of those people that pushes their religion on others and is so revolved around everything God and everything church but I do want to consider myself religious and "get closer" with God. I think it will not only help me to become happier with my life and myself but also assist me on this journey.
Sorry for babbling on I just figured that if I wrote down my thoughts I'd be more apt to actually follow through with them. Thanks to all of you for your support and kind words.