Deep Breaths

Hey everyone! No post yesterday sorry! I wrote one up and was going to post it when I got home from work but by the time I ran errands, ate dinner and worked out it was 11 o'clock and I was toooo tired. I really didn't have much to say yesterday though so it wasn't too big of a deal.


Yesterday, I wrote about how last night was my weekly weigh in. Food and exercise have been pretty flawless but I just didn't think I lost any weight. I didn't feel it like I did the week before. Last week I could tell in my stomach the most. This week I felt exactly the same. I'm not sure if I was maybe losing weight in other places but this week just didn't feel the same. I think maybe that knowing I had chinese and culver's last weekend was haunting me and constantly in the back of my head. I thought I did pretty good keeping my unhealthy meals to a minimum. I portioned them out pretty good so I don't think I did that much damage but I still couldn't help but think that theres no way I could have lost anything eating like that. I think maybe it blinded me to what was really going on.

Well, I am very happy to report that I lost 3.4 pounds this week! Yippee! I think it was all in my head. I felt guilty and that made me see my body in a different way. Everytime I looked at myself I saw the salty chinese food and the chicken tenders. What I forgot to see was that my cashew chicken and a pint of steamed rice lasted me for 4 meals (it usually lasts for 1) and that I only ate half of my chicken tenders with no fries and water to drink.

I've learned a lot these past 3 weeks. I've learned that I need to calm down and take a deep breath. Whenever I used to start a "diet" I would plan out everything to the tee and keep my paper with me so I could see exactly what I was eating and when I was eating it. I would plan out exactly what I was going to do at the gym, what exercises in what order for how many reps and sets. I would plan out exactly what day I was going and what time I would go. I couldn't have anything outside of my "diet" and if I didn't make it to the gym I would beat myself up. Eventually, I would not make it to the gym and never go back. This wasn't how I wanted to live my life. I wanted to be free and have faith that as my decisions came about food and exercise I could make them wisely.

Now, things are different. I go grocery shopping at the beginning of the week and get my chicken, veggies, fruits, greek yogurt, laughing cow cheese, V8 and Fruit2Day. Having grilled chicken for lunch everyday is easy and I love it. I love my fruits and veggies. I love my greek yogurt, I love it all. I used to look up all these recipes and try to make them and when I didn’t have time I would just stop at McDonald's. I don't have to go all out and crazy to be healthy. I just need to eat less and eat foods that are good for me. I can have a cheat day here or there if I keep it reasonable. I had 3 chicken tenders and water. Nothing else. That was about 350 calories. I had chinese but instead of eating it in one meal, I spread it out to 4. Now I'm certainly not saying I can do this every weekend but once in a while if I am smart about my choices it's ok to have something out of the ordinary. I don't have soda anymore, I don't have fast food. I'll have a piece of chocolate maybe once a week at the most. I don't crave McDonald's, I don't crave M&M's. I want water and veggies, things that make me feel alive and energized.

My exercise routine has completely changed as well. I exercise on the nights that I don't have other things going. I don't exercise everynight but it comes out to about 4-5 nights a week. If I need a break one night, I take one. I rotate what I focus on everynight so I go to the gym knowing what area I'm working but I don't have a specific plan laid out. Like Rebecca (@FatFitnessFood) said this morning, it's easy. I feel like I'll jinx it by saying that but it really is. When you take the time to listen to yourself and your body, be organized in your life and thoughts and just take deep breaths things start to fall together. I'm having a lot of fun on this journey, why would I stop?