Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Scaredy-Pants

Hello! Nothing much new here since yesterday's post. Food has been good. Got 6 inches cut off my hair last night! It was scary but it was well needed and I love it! Today's post is mostly to get some emotions off my chest that are building up and what better place to do it but here?!
 

I'm scared. Yep, it's as simple as that. I'm scared. My exercise routine has been a little rocky lately and it's starting to scare me. I weighed in last Tuesday at 258.8lbs. I did not work out on Wednesday. I did not work out on Thursday (besides my belly dancing class). I did not work out on Friday. Saturday I was unable to make it to the gym so I did the "Workout" DVD at home. I did work out Sunday. I did not work out last night. In the past week I have worked out TWICE and only one of those times was actually at the gym. My next scheduled weigh in is on Thursday and I'm scared that I will not have lost any weight. I'm scared that I will actually gain weight. The scariest part is that if I do not lose any weight this week it will be MY FAULT, no one else's. I have 3 days to make up for the past week before my weigh in but at this point it may not be enough. I know that this is not my final weigh in or anything and that I have a LONG road ahead of me but I've had so much success thus far. I'm scared to think of what it would feel like standing on the scale only 5 weeks into my journey and seeing that I gained weight. I don't feel like I've lost enough to be "okay" with a gain, there's not enough "cushion" there. Missy (The Ups and Downs of Losing Weight) mentioned in her post today about how exercise is now one of the things that is non-negotiable in her life. It's something she needs to do and it's no longer an option. That's how it has been for me the past 5 weeks but for some reason it's starting to slowly worm it's way back into my "optional" category. I know there will be many more bumps in my journey and if anything this is just a reminder that I need to work hard to achieve the results I want. My success will only be a reflection of my work. Whether or not I have a gain on the scale on Thursday I need to keep on trucking and not let this slow me down.

2 comments:

  1. Weigh-ins can be SO scary. Especially if you feel like you haven't done "enough." How's your eating been?

    No matter what the scale says, try not to let it get you down. Some of my worst days of eating/exercise follow a bad weigh in because rather than fight back I wallow in self-pity. Remember this is a journey - there are going to be ups and downs but as long as you stay on the path you will succeed!

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  2. Okay, this might sound a little hard initially, when coming from me of all people, but basically just get over it.

    You can't change what you did, you can only change what is possible to do.

    Simple fact is, learn from it, move on. Don't waste time analysing it with what if's, or if only's. Those are things to accept as realities, learn from and not use to beat yourself with, feel worse, then set yourself up for a fall again.

    The thing is to tell yourself, (easier said perhaps than done), you are capable of making a better fist of this, because you have done already, and you will again :-).

    You have seen the person you are becoming, you have seen you're not someone that lost a few pounds, let it all slip, and became the old you again.

    Even when you haven't been consistant, you've been partially consistant. Some start off reasonably well, then completely collapse, put all the weight back on, possibly more, and then guilt trip months later, when something, someone else or themselves, forces the reality button to trigger.

    You at least, haven't caved in and become the person you were 3 months ago even, you've maintained a level of commitment, albeit not as good as you've liked, so you have some groundwork to rebuild from, rather than starting from scratch again, with no actions, just words to back yourself up with.

    Learn from it, move on, and understand. Don't self hurt with dissection of mistakes. You know you made then, you know how to correct them, so that's all that is needed.

    Strong steps forward, head high, chin up, and keep remembering everything you're doing this for. To be happier, healthier, feel better, increase quality of life, potentially live longer and if it's in your plans sometime in the future, to have a child or children, you can be a very positive rolemodel to.

    You CAN do so much here, and you CAN be the person you want to be physically. So never lose sight of that reality. You are someone blessed with good looks, that's obvious, so keep reminding yourself, that you have a right to look that good all over, but it's earned, not some kind of privilege.

    It is still a process, it will take time, so be easy on yourself, not hard. Positive change should be just that, positive, not punishment.

    If you believe in yourself as much as I think you are capable of, others that are now, will continue to be too.

    You're a really, really lovely person. You have such a great nature about you. I bet you're someone everyone in the street would just want to hug :-).

    So keep on keeping on, and just keep reminding yourself, you ARE worth the effort and you DO deserve to have the kind of body you want.

    Take care and best wishes.

    :-) :-).

    Matt

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