Satisfied...

So I forgot how amazing it feels to eat healthy and be "satisfied". I think I said this in my last post but I feel sooo wonderful just having my stomach be satisfied instead of overstuffed, bloated and sick. Ahh this is the life…

Eating yesterday was good. I've gotten my body used to the less calories and all it took was 1 day of hunger pangs and I haven't had any again so I'm very happy about that. I actually forgot to eat my first snack today until 10 am (I usually eat it at 9:30) because I wasn't hungry lol. Part of me wanted to not eat because of that, but I knew that if I didn't eat I would become hungry and for me that is one of the worst feelings in the world. I get an upset stomach, dizzy and a horrible headache. I think that is one of the reasons I overeat so much. Whenever I get the hunger feeling I want to shovel food in my mouth to ensure that it goes away before the headache starts and I'm miserable. Hmm I guess I never thought of that before. Eating healthy has been relatively easy. Last night I made turkey stuffed portabella mushrooms to take to work for the next couple days so I'm excited about that. I can't wait to get some fresh asparagus on Saturday at the farmers market, yummy :-) I think the thing I've had to adjust to the most with this new eating is not eating when I get home from work. Before I would get home and shovel food in my face as I watched the Tyra Banks Show (<--LOVE that show). Now I come home and don't eat anything until 4:30 when I have a small snack. It's been a big adjustment and I still find myself getting up at commercial breaks and walking to the fridge but then I just turn around and walk right back to the couch without grabbing anything. I'm very proud that I can do that and it makes me feel good and confident that I can overcome this eating battle once and for all. I must confess, I did have a chocolate cupcake today at work. Hmm I'm not upset about it though. If I want something I'm going to have it, I just need to teach myself that not everything I eat can be a chocolate cupcake and that when I want to have a treat I can but I can't go on a total binge. One chocolate cupcake was nice to satisfy my chocolate craving and now I'm probably good for another week or maybe even longer. I've learned that the harder I am on myself about what I eat the faster I go back to junk food that only make me feel sick afterwards. Healthy is the way to go, eating 6 times a day with 3 snacks and 3 meals and a little treat here and there. That's what is working for me and I'm sticking to it.

What's not working, however, is exercise. I think that starting a new way of eating and starting to exercise all in the same week was not something I could handle. I think once I make it through my first week of eating healthy and counting calories I will be ready to tackle my exercise demons. Next week I'm starting and I'm not giving my self a choice anymore. No more free passes because I'm only hurting myself. Not exercising is in no way benefiting me at all. Once I get that through my head I'll be golden. Wish me luck!

:-)

Happy Thursday!!

(almost Friday!!)

Sweet Success

So yesterday was a pretty good day.


I did remarkably well with the eating, I was actually quite surprised with myself. It was my first day of eating every 2-3 hours, watching my calories and writing down everything I eat. I haven't totalled up the calories yet but I think it is right around 2000 calories. That is exactly where I would like to be right now. I figured out that I was eating at least 2500 calories a day so I needed to cut out around 500. Eventually I would like to be at about 1800 calories and stay there for life, but for right now 2000 is good. I packed two snacks and a lunch for work, one snack to eat at 9:30 and one to eat at 2:30 and that seemed to work out good. I wanted to also incorporate another snack after dinner but soon realized that I am probably going to have to eat 2 snacks in between lunch and dinner because I eat lunch at 11-11:30. I'm fine with eating 2 snacks before dinner and then nothing after, I actually like that better. I did have a few slight hunger pangs yesterday but nothing major and I was definetly expecting some considering it was my first day cutting out more than a meals worth of calories. What I really enjoyed was the feeling of being "satisfied". I can't tell you the last time that I didn't stuff my face so much everytime I ate food that it was uncomfortable to do anything because I was soooo full. Yesterday I didn't have that feeling once and it was amazing. It felt so good and it has been FOREVER since I've felt like that I forgot what it was like. And by the way I never realized how many calories is in regular peanut butter..wow!


Exercise…what exercise? I need help because I don't know what to do. I can't get my lazy ass up at 5am to exercise. My alarm goes off and I reset it for 5:50 when I normally get up. Blah this morning I was like "you don't have a choice, get your ass up" but I still rolled over and reset my alarm. Does anyone have any suggestions on things I can do to make myself get up? I want to work out in the morning so that I also have the option to work out at night and have "two-a-days". I just need to get in the routine of waking up early and doing so. Any suggestions would be realllly appreciated.


Happy Tuesday!! Biggest Loser Tonight!!

:-)

Weekend Recap...

Happy Monday! Hope all of you had a wonderful weekend!

My weekend was BUSY but very very fun!!

The definite highlight of my weekend was the "Best of Britney Spears" dance class I took on Sunday. It was soooo much fun!! And such a great workout!! It's a 4 week workshop (every Sunday in May) for $40 and each class is an hour long. The instructors made a mix of 4 Brit songs: Oops I Did It Again, I'm A Slave For You, Me Against the Music and Circus, and each week we learn the choreography for one of the songs. On the 4th week we will put all 4 songs together for the complete routine. I've never taken a dance class before but it has always been something I wanted to do and let me tell you I will definetly be taking many more!! I must say the choreography was pretty challenging for my first class but hey it's Britney Spears what do you expect? Boy did I get a workout, by the time I was done my face was beat red and I was pouring sweat. I think my next class will be a 6 week Bellydancing workshop! :-) I'm super excited about that too.

I'm starting today with healthy food, no soda, no sweets for now and lotssss of water. I made my food journal this weekend so I will be recording everything I eat in there so I can see a visual and keep me better accountable. I made veggie quesadillas this weekend for lunch this week. I added 2 slices of turkey breast for a little protein. I also brought in 2 snacks to eat at 9:30 and 2:30 to keep me nice and full throughout the day. I also bought some portobella mushrooms this weekend (yummy!) and will be buying some ground turkey to fill them up for this recipe I found online. Yum I can't wait!!

I knew I wouldn't get up at 5 this morning to exercise so I didn't even attempt it but tomorrow starts me morning routine so it's not a choice!! Tonight, however, I am going to my friends house to practice our dance class routine so that will be some good exercise and I'd like to start doing extra ab work right before I go to bed (especially lower abs!!)

Well that's all I have for now. Hope you guys have a fun and successful Monday!

:-)

Wow...

So despite my mini-meltdown this morning (sorry guys!) I'm having a rather good day. I feel like it's exactly what I needed to push me back in the right direction. There are a few changes that I'm going to be making over the next couple days to really set this plan into action.


1.) I am starting 2 new blogs. One will be my daily journal and the other will be a food journal. I will put links up on the side of my page if you want to check them out. I think it is important for me to start writing about life in general everyday as someone would in a journal. I need to really reflect on what's working, what's not, what's making me happy/sad, changes I need to make in different areas and basically just so I have something written down day to day that I can go back to if I need to see how I'm doing. A fellow blogger (thanks for your kind words!) made a good point to me. I have to love myself as I am right now before I can ever love myself skinny. I think right now I'm not happy. There are things that make me happy, yes but overall I'm not happy. I'm hoping that journaling and reflecting will really help me get back on track and love me again. The food journal is important because I need to write down everything I eat. I went to a couple of different websites and calculated what my calorie intake needs to be to lose weight. In order to maintain my weight I need to eat 2450 calories! I was shocked. That means that since I have been gaining weight I've been eating more than that. Yuck. That makes me feel absolutely gross. I want to cut my calories down to 200 to start and then maybe to 1800 to stay at for life once I get into the groove of things.


2.) I need to be honest with the people in my life that love me. My friends and family are aware that I want to lose weight but I've never really been open with them about all the steps I'm taking, including this blog. My boyfriend actually didn't even know I was trying to lose weight until this morning. I don't like telling people because I'm not proud of the fact that I actually have to do this, but I realized that telling my loved ones and having them support me is the #1 thing I need. When I told my boyfriend this morning that I was sorry about our fight and that right now I'm not happy with myself and that's why I've been so crazy he asked me what was wrong. I decided to give in and tell him that I'm trying to lose weight and all I can think about all the time is my weight and how I must look to other people. This is what he wrote back, "Baby you can't do anything but be you. I mean I'm not all religious but God makes us the way we are. You can always just work out to get better if you think it's that bad. I'll do it with you." When I saw that I teared up. I was expecting him to say something like "well stop eating so much and get your fat ass to the gym". (Okay maybe not that harsh lol) But I really wasn't expecting him to be that open and accepting of what I'm doing and actually want to join me and be there with me. I've learned that I can't do this alone and involving those I love is very important and essential if I want to be successful.


3.) I want to get more in touch with my religion. I've never been a super religious person but my family has always attended mass here and there and both me and my brother are confirmed into the Catholic Church. All of my grandparents (I have 7) are very religious, my step-dads parents actually spend an hour a day praying the rosary and other prayers. I've always prayed to God at night before I go to bed and I'm very proud of my religion, I just haven't put forth the effort to really do much besides my once a day prayer. I want to read the bible cover to cover and get some different "bible study" books to further understand and relate to what I'm reading. I don't ever want to be one of those people that pushes their religion on others and is so revolved around everything God and everything church but I do want to consider myself religious and "get closer" with God. I think it will not only help me to become happier with my life and myself but also assist me on this journey.


Sorry for babbling on I just figured that if I wrote down my thoughts I'd be more apt to actually follow through with them. Thanks to all of you for your support and kind words.


Happy Friday!!!

:-)

Pursuit of Happyness?

I'm not happy. Right now I feel like I'm almost to my breaking point. To the point where change starts to happen because I'm are so fed up with how everything is going.


I realized this last night, when me and my boyfriend got in yet another fight. For no reason. He said a lot of things I needed to hear. He said that I seem like I'm never happy, that right now he never see's me smile and he feels like I'm always bored. It made me step back and look at how I'm acting. He's right. I sit there and mope. Basically because I'm constantly, non-stop always thinking about my weight and how I look and hoping that I look okay and knowing that my clothes don't fit right anymore and knowing that my face is so round that you could pluck it off my shoulders and shoot a free throw with it. I'm so distracted by my insecurities that I can't focus on spending good quality time with him like I need to. He's the love of my life and has always been there for me no matter what. I've put on 50 lbs since I met him 2 1/2 years ago and he still thinks I'm sexy and still loves me for me and here I am worrying about whether or not he does. What I need to worry about is whether or not I love me for me.


I don't.


I've come to realize this. Right now I can't love myself because this isn't me. This isn't who I am. This isn't who I'm going to be. I want to lose weight, I want to feel good in clothes, I want to be healthy and I want to be happy.


I need this.


People can't feel good about me until I feel good about myself.


Period. End of story.

Protein Shake? For Breakfast?

So I need your guys help! Please? :-)

So I've been thinking about starting to have protein shakes in the morning for breakfast. The problem? I have no idea where to start and no knowledge really on this subject. That's where you lovely people come into play :-) Do any of you have protein shakes for breakfast or any other meal? If so, what are your favorite recipes or essential things to put into it? I know that a lot of protein shakes call for some kind of protein powder. For some reason I've always been "leary" of using protein powder, I feel as though it's not as nutritious or good for you as regular food. What do you guys think of protein powder and which ones are your favorite? Also, I saw that you can substitute egg whites instead of using protein powder. Is this as effective?

Sorry for all of the questions!! Hopefully someone out there has the energy and knowledge to answer them.

:-)

Happy Hump Day!!

Mmm Monday

Happy Monday to everyone! Personally my Monday would be much nicer if it would stop raining! It has been raining nearly non-stop since Friday and all last week as well. Hmm oh well I guess it's supposed to be stopping after today. I must say I love logging on here Monday morning after the weekend and reading all the blogs. I purposely don't read anything over the weekend so I have a lot to read come Monday. :-)

Food this weekend wasn't good at all. I honestly can't remember half of the stuff I ate which is the worst part. I'm not choosing what to eat, instead I just shovel stuff into my mouth. I've tried to be very conscious about what I eat so far today. For breakfast I had half of a grilled chicken breast with some ketchup and a small glass of milk. I guess that wasn't enough to hold me over because about 20 minutes ago my stomach started growling so I went upstairs and got a bagel w/ cream cheese from the vending machine. I was very proud of myself because the second I opened it up I threw the bigger half away and just ate 1/2 of the bagel with a tiny bit of cream cheese. According to the nutrition facts, 1/2 of the bagel should be about 115 calories so not too bad. I have also been trying to load up on water. Friday I drank 3L which is really good for me and so far today I've drank about 1L. My goal is to drink at least 3 a day. Today I brought one of my Blueberry Turkey Burgers for lunch. Now don't get me wrong they are very tasty but I am such a visual person that I'm not sure I can get myself to eat it. It looks like a mushed up blueberry muffin but it tastes like a Turkey Burger. I don't know I just hope I get paid today so I can go grocery shopping and get some more yummy healthy foods.

Exercise has been pretty blah. (No surprise there!) I had to be to work at 6am today for some overtime so I wasn't able to do my circuit training this morning but I plan on doing it tonight when I get home and then start doing it in the mornings for the rest of the week. I'm very excited about starting that I think it will really boost my confidence and give me a kick in the butt that I need.

I'm trying to find ways to keep me motivated. I took some "before" pictures (not too cute) and now I just have to find the cord to hook my camera up to my computer to post them (even though I don't want to lol) on here. I think I'll do that tonight. Also, another blogger mentioned starting to take pictures of everything they eat to keep themselves accountable and I think I am going to start that as well. I think it will really help me when I have to stop to take a picture before I eat anything. I suppose that is enough for now.

Toodles

:-)