Um..Defeated?

Hmm so I'm feeling somewhat defeated lately. But I'm not sure if I should use the word "defeated" because I'm not giving up I'm just so sick of my excuses and my behavior. I need to get back on track physically and mentally. More mentally than anything. I've started to become quite an unpleasant person lately and I know that it's mostly because I am unhappy. I know what to do, I know what I need to do and I know how to do it. So why am I not doing it? I need motivation. I've been searching a lot lately for motivation and for something to turn on that light bulb in my head. I've been waiting for the day to happen when everything suddenly clicks like magic. However, that's not realistic. I need to help it click in my head, I need to find the right motivation to have it all make sense. I can't expect it to find me, I have to find it. I've decided to try some things to get my motivation factor up. I was thinking of maybe getting some pages together into a binder and filling them with motivational quotes or sayings and pictures of people that have bodies that I really admire. Maybe some random tid-bits of helpful hints or tricks to remember along the way. Eventually it would be nice to turn it into a progress binder. I would like to put in pictures of where I started, where I am currently and hopefully an "end" picture. Basically like what I'm doing here only in a binder that I can look at everyday when I wake up and every night before I go to sleep. Basically make it a part of my daily routine to remind me of what I need and want to do. And if I'm feeling un-motivated I can turn to it to get me back on track. Food-wise I need to tweak my habits as well. On my trips home from my boyfriends house I stop at a gas station and get a Pepsi Max and something with sugar to keep me awake. Lately it has been a bag of honey roasted cashews and a nice chocolate donut with cream filling. Hmm probably not the best for the waistline huh? Last night I scoped out the gas station more thoroughly instead of just bee-lining to the soda and donut cases. I saw that they sell fresh fruit and one of my favorite things: cottage doubles! It's a container with one side low fat cottage cheese and one side fruit 'topping'. They also had hard boiled eggs. It opened my eyes to the fact that I can still get something to eat to keep me alert but be healthy; from now on that's what I am going to do. Also, I love egg whites but I usually only eat them harboiled and I've heard that scrambled egg whites are also really yummy. Have any of you ever had liquid egg whites? I saw an add for them in Weight Watchers magazine and you can use them in cooking and scramble them or add them to dishes and some say you can even drink them plain (not sure how I feel about that option lol). I was just wondering if anyone has ever had any or knows anyone that has and if they're good or not. Well thanks all for listening to me rant about nothing. Toodles and good luck to everyone!!

Fresh Start

I want this, I really do. So why am I not doing it like I should? Because my worst enemies are standing in my way. Laziness and Excuses. Well guess what? I'm over it. I'm over laziness, I'm over excuses, I'm over being fat, I'm over being unhappy. I'm over it. So here's to a fresh start. I will weigh myself tonight since I have yet to weigh myself considering my dumb scale is broken. And I will officially 'start over' today. I need to up my gym time and really work my ass off while I'm there. I need to make everything count if I'm going to do this. I feel rejuvenated and re-energized. No more fast food, no more sweets, lots more water, lots more sweat, less fat and less calories. I will be bringing meals with me when I go visit my boyfriend (since he is a fast food maniac), and drinking lotssss more water. Thank you to all of you for inspiring me to start fresh and healthy! Happy Tuesday!

A Sign From God?

Okay so this may sound stupid but I would really appreciate any feedback that anyone has for me. I feel kind of like a little kid but whatever lol. So I believe in God, I'm not super religious but I definitely believe in him. There has been something going on in my life (I may care to share more details later, depending) and I asked God for a sign on what's going on in this situation. Lol I just really feel juvenile even talking about this but whatever. So when I'm driving home from my boyfriend's house at night I will sometimes see shooting stars and I think they are the coolest thing ever. Well, I haven't seen one in probably 2-3 months. So I asked God a yes or no question pertaining to my situation and asked him that if the answer was yes to show me a shooting star before I got home. Now there's a part of me that really wanted to see that shooting star so of course I was scanning the sky constantly my whole ride home just looking and trying not to miss it if it ended up happening. So I was about 20 minutes from home and I gave up on scanning the sky and focused on the thought of getting in my warm snugly bed and going to sleep. Lo and behold right after I gave up, there came the shooting star. Not off to the side, not behind me but right in front of my face. I looked at it and truly could not believe that it was there. I have never received a sign from God when I've asked for them before and I've realized that it's because when I asked for them before it was about stupid things that really didn't matter. This is a more important issue and when I saw the sign I was kind of in awe. At the same time, however, I feel kind of stupid and childlike. I mean, I'm relying on a star as a sign? I want to believe it and I think it would be amazing if it really was but of course the logical part of me is saying it was just a coincidence. And then again I'm asking myself why I asked God for a sign if I wasn't going to believe it when it happened. I mean, of course time will tell whether or not it truly a sign, but I just thought I would see what you guys thought. Happy Monday!

Blah...

Basically, that's how I feel. I don't know why but yesterday I kind of just felt non-motivated and really just blah. I'm not sure how else to describe it. It's like everything pushed me into a bad mood, which caused a fight between me and my boyfriend that got blown way out of proportion. Everything's fine now but that really didn't help lift my spirits. I've been doing good on my eating but I know I can do better. I wasn't able to work out yesterday and I think that kind of pushed me off balance as well. Having an interruption when you are just starting to get into the groove of things doesn't do any good. I know this is life and I know that these things have happened before and will continue to happen for the rest of my life. I'm going to weigh myself tonight, I finally found my scale but it's not working right. I weighed myself 3 times on it and I proceeded to "gain" weight each time. My mom has a scale and I'm going to try to use that for now until a get a new one. I have thought of a couple more goals that'll hopefully get my mind in the right place again. First, I would like to be at least 12-15 pounds lighter by my brother's confirmation in April into the Catholic Church. I have to dress up and it would feel amazing to feel good in whatever I wear. Second, I would like to be at least 25 pounds lighter by the time my family takes a trip to lake Michigan at the end of August. Hopefully I can go above and beyond with these goals. Toodles, have a wonderful day.

XoXo

Ready...

"Think Of Where You Would Be Now"

My brother would say that to me when I would tell him about starting a new diet or exercise routine. He would say, "You know if you sticked to the last diet you started, think of where you would be now." It's the truth. If I had stuck to my first diet/workout routine ever back in sophomore year of highschool, I wouldn't be fighting my weight right now but instead maintaining it. Things are different this time, I don't know why but they are and I can feel it. I'm not sure if it's because I'm writing on here nearly every day so it's keeping me accountable and I can see my progress instead of trying to remember it, or if it's because I'm ready. Im truley ready to be a different person. To change for the better. I realized that until you're ready to change, you never will. You may start out good but eventually you will go back to how you were. Not only do you have to be strong physically but also mentally. Ironically enough, the weight loss battle forces you to be stronger mentally than anything else. You may be able to run a 5k and do 200 crunches but until your mind coaxes you off the couch, it'll never happen. I know that I'm ready, I feel it. I've revised my exercise plan and I hope it's not too much starting out, but I think I can do it, I have faith in myself. I will be going to the gym 6 days a week. I will do 35 minutes of cardio (riding a stationary bike and maybe try a stair stepper eventually) Instead of doing all the weight machines every day, I will focus on one area of my body a day. I will alternate between 3 groups: Legs, Arms/Shoulders and Abs/Back. That way I will have 2 days a week focusing soley on one area. I figure I will do about an hours worth of work on each area for their day. I hope a can do it and maybe incorporate more than an hour eventually. My only hesitation was that maybe I should be doing a little bit of abs everday since you really don't need to rest your ab muscles. I think I might to a couple reps on the ab machine on the arms and legs days but do a full hour of abs on the abs day. Hmm I'll think about that one :-) Happy Tuesday!


Breakfast:
- Chicken (about the size of a deck of cards)
- Refried Beans (about the size of two 50cent pieces0
- 1 glass 1% milk

Lunch:
- Lean Cuisine Chicken w. Basil Cream Sauce: 290 calories
- Water

Snack:
- 1 hard boiled egg white
- 1 piece of cheese

Dinner:
- 1 small bowl of goulash (macaroni noodles with beef and spaghetti sauce)
- 1 piece of Italian bread
- 1 strawberry yoplait yogurt: 100 calories
- 1 glass 1% milk

Water:
- 3 liters!!

Exercise!:
- 30 minutes on a weird stationary bike thingy: 130 calories :-(
- leg machines (squats, inner/outer thighs, front and back of thighs)
- 3 sets of 15 reps on the ab machine

Back In Action

So me and my grandma went to the fitness center today and I love it. I joined a fitness center about 2 years ago and I would go almost every night, use the machines and ride the stationary bike for 45 minutes. This fitness center is much much smaller than the one I used to go to but it was never crowded. I'm not sure if no one really knows about it yet because it's so new or if everyone that wants to work out is already stuck to a contract at another fitness center, but hey it's fine with me. Me and my grandma went at 4 and we were there until about 5:30 and at most there were 7 people in there at once. They had every single machine that I wanted, a nice stationary bike and free weights. Basically it's a dream come true and I only have to pay $2 each time I go. It felt very familiar to be back in a gym and it actually felt really really good! I'm excited, what a jolly monday! :-)

XoXo

Breakfast:
- 1 taco salad
- 1 cup 1% milk

Lunch:
- Lean Cuisine Pesto Chicken Pita: 330 calories

Snack:
- 1 hard boiled egg white
- 1 piece cheese
- 1 handful grapes
- 1 glass water

Dinner:
- Chicken (about the size of a deck of cards)
- Refried Beans (about the size of two 50cent pieces)
- Salad (lettuce with a touch of bleu cheese dressing)
- Fruit Mixture (1 apple and 1 orange)
- 1 glass 1% milk

Exercise!
- 30 minutes on stationary bike: 220 calories
- Various weight machines after bike

Fresh Start

So tomorrow I'm doing a much needed "do-over". I got off track with eating so I'm starting again and revising some of my goals. I've realized that cutting soda out of my life completely is not realistic. The reason is because when I'm on my way home from visiting my boyfriend at night and I am tired I need something to keep me awake. Pepsi Max does the trick and since it does I'm sticking to that. That doesn't mean, however, that I am going to re-introduce myself to soda. I am only allowing myself to drink soda when I am traveling home from his house and that's it. Also, I need to find a way to get me to stop diving into temptations when I'm with my friends. When I'm with my boyfriend I'm going to start packing snacks for me to eat because every time I go there we eat out. Now he can eat out and I'll eat my healthy snacks. :-) When I'm with my friends, however, we shop for hours or go to a movie or whatever and then we're hungry. Restaurants and fast food seem like the only options. Not only is it expensive, it's very unhealthy and I need to find a way around it. On the plus side though, my grandma told me about a fitness area at the local community center that is open for the public to use for only $2 per visit and you don't have to sign any kind of contract. We are going tomorrow when I get off of work to see if I like it. I was planning on joining the YMCA tomorrow but if I like this then that's what I'll be doing because hey $2 and no contracts?! Who can beat that? :-) I feel positive and I hope this week is better than last. Toodles

XoXo